I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
