I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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