Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
