i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
