How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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