Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
