Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
