Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
