we made out on top of his cat.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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