I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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