Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
