Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
