Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
