I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
