I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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