I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
