just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
