i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
