i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
