You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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