The maid of honor just puked.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
