Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
