who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
