He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
please come you make the beer taste better
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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