I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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