Define "chronic" masturbator.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
