im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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