Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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