Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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