I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
