So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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