Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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