Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
