if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
