What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
