I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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