Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
