I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
