So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
