there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
