brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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