Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
