I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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