you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
