I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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