It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
