why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
