Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
