you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
