I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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