Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
