How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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